black women, black women dating interracially, black women dating latin men, black women dating stories, dating experiences, dating stories, interracial dating, prince international lover
A friend invited me out to a gathering put on by an interracial meetup group for White and Asian men interested in Black woman (and vice versa). Initially, I was somewhat open to the idea but the more I thought about it…not so much.
Black men are all I have ever known – the good, bad, and the oogly. Even though I’m from the up the way, I’ve never even had a Latino Papi on the roster. Until recently, I never gave much consideration to dating outside my race. Since those pull out posters of Christopher Williams and Al. B Sure came off my walls, it has been all about the taste of dark chocolate. (Occasionally a piece of caramel sneaks his way in.) By and large, black men are the only ones that have caught my eye.
Now don’t get me wrong. Every once in a blue moon, Brad Pitt’s distant cousin might turn my head. But I’ve had problems hanging around white boys in the past so I usually smile and keep it moving.
In recent months, I’ve decided that my old ass needs to make the transition from keeping a starting lineup with a couple coming off the bench in a pinch to having just one franchise player. However, to find the “one,” I know that I need to expand my horizons a bit and keep an open mind. My married friends and family members are always telling me that he may not show up in the package I expect. I’ve always had a vision of Mr. Vivrant as being a big ole brown man and of us bringing a couple of little brown Vivrants into the world to run around tearing up shit. However, it’s always been a foggy vision – such that it allows for the possibility of…something else. So I decided it was time for me to spread my wings a bit and consider becoming an international lover.
A couple of weeks ago, I went out with a Latin man from Bolivia. He was a cool guy – outgoing personality, smiled a lot, seemed comfortable in his skin, very well-traveled (which is always attractive to me). We had one of the best dates I’ve been on in a while.
We ended up hitting two different spots. At the first place, we engaged in the getting to know you banter over margaritas and Spanish appetizers. I could tell he was digging me and I was having a nice time so we decided to continue the date in the Adams Morgan area of DC. He suggested the spot (major points for that). We ended up at a very cozy lounge with walls the color of the sunset and plush red couches. Turns out it was also a hookah bar. I’ve always been curious about smoking hookah so I didn’t hesitate to try it. Turns out I loved it. More martinis flowed. Conversation was good. I learned all about his country, his diverse group of friends and some of his dating experiences.
At some point while he was talking, I realized that I had been staring longingly over at the tall, chocolate loc’d man sitting alone writing and smoking hookah. I had the very strong urge to go over and ask him what he was writing. I also found myself glancing over at a black couple sitting across from us. At the time, I didn’t quite understand why. I was having a great time despite that fact that he was a bit too affectionate for my taste on a first date (although a friend reminded me I had been quite affectionate on first dates before – but that’s another post).
After some reflection, I realized that I just wasn’t that into him. He sensed that before I did and when we parted ways, I could tell that was the last time I would hear from him. And that was okay. But was it him or the whole idea of becoming an international lover? It was one thing for me to stare at the foine dude. I’m not dead. But the way I was staring at that couple kind of disturbed me.
I did have a great time on the date. It was a breath of fresh air in a sea of never-ending staleness. So likely I will saddle up and try to ride that horse again should the opportunity present itself. However, the experience made me wonder whether I’m truly “cut out” to be an international lover? Maybe this is one time it’s okay for me to be closed-minded.
Thanks for sharing! There are indeed a number of very incredibly beautiful brothers out there, but then again not all of them are American. Would you be into the Latino guy if he were a black Bolivian? Or does it need to be a black American? Are you looking for a particular shared American black experience or just the right kink of hair and sheen of black skin? When you say “international lover”, I wonder if you mean that literally or whether you are referring to races as nations….As for the salivating at other fine men, no matter who you are with (black, white, latino) it might never go away. I am with a white man here in Europe, and when we were in America on vacation he would literally grab my head and turn it when he saw me staring at a good looking brotha, and then we’d have a good laugh. One should always feel free to take in the beauty of God’s creation, no?
Mahoganie aka Chookie_Whore said:
It’s always a good thing to keep an open mind about such things. I wouldn’t worry too much about finding “the one.” If someone is meant for you to even be thinking or going that route, he will come… be it a Black man, Asian, Latino etc. A man is a man. All men have the same plumbing, some of the same issues that even we have; insecurities, faults, etc… in other words men are human.
It’s understandable that you wasn’t into the Bolivan guy totally. It may have nothing to do with your strong desire for a Black man per se’ but more so maybe you felt kinda abruptly pushed out of your comfort zone at the urging of friends or whatnot. Comfort zones (whatever they may be) are hard to break through. Apparently, (maybe I’m wrong in this) one of your comfort zone is the single life right now. Maybe you are open to a long term committement via marriage down the line, but right now you are enjoying you. Maybe Black men are a strong part of your comfort zone. Comfort zones can be a good thing or bad. It’s up to you to discover and learn what works and what isn’t working. Maybe it’s you. Maybe it’s the him.
Either way.. this single life… and dating is all about growth. No matter what age you are or what point in your life you are in.
When it comes to dating, my girls and I say it is o.k. if the guy is an “OOP”. Meaing Other Oppressed Person, so girl Asians and Latin men definitely are in that category. Plus, you can not knock it until you have tried it. Good Luck!
B. Good said:
I recently shared a lot of time with an “other”. He was so “homeboy-ish” that it didn’t feel like I was dating an other. But the things that reminded me that he was indeed an other……weren’t negative things. I loved the new experiences I shared with him, due to his heritage. I would absolutely do it again.
Unfortunately, he was still a male, and he did male things that didn’t work for me.
Black, white, brown, puerto rican, or haitian……I’m just wondering if there is a man out there (period) who can treat me right and vice versa.
Anyways……this blog was about you, not me. LOL! Glad you had a good time, nonetheless. That’s a positive experience to add in the record books 🙂
vivrant thang said:
First, thanks to everyone for commenting so positively. I wasn’t sure how this would come across. I didn’t want it to seem as if I were against interracial dating. I was doing a lot of thinking out loud here – emptying the brain out onto the computer screen. So I was very conscious as to how this would come across since I don’t talk about these kinds of topics a lot in this space.
@camille – love the name 🙂 thanks for stopping by! The title is from a Prince song of the same name. When I write a post, I usually try to use the title of a song and write from there. So that’s all that was meant by that. You know, you’ve give me lots of food for thought! I do know that I love a Black man with a British accent. Me thinks that’s sex-y 🙂 I think it might have just been that I wasn’t attracted to HIM. That’s why I’m going to get back on the horse and try to ride out again. Stay tuned 🙂
@ Cookie_Whore – Thanks for commenting girl 🙂 Trust me, I have spent the last few years being QUITE comfortable in my singlehood. I would need to start a separate anonymous blog to detail those exploits 🙂 Viv has lived an instrastin life. My mindset has started to change in the last 6 months or so. Not because of any pressure from society or family. It just has – and it’s happened subtly. I’m not trying to rush anything though. I only intend to do this once and I do know that I can’t make it happen before it’s my time. Meanwhile I work on me and life my life in color. Definitely trying to keep an open mind though.
@ebony – thanks for stopping by! i like that – o.o.p. i like your spunk 🙂
@ b- i gotta come over there and see what you’re up to. and you can blog in my comments anytime 🙂 at the end of the day, you’re absolutely right, a male is a male. If I didn’t make it clear, my uptmost concern is being treated like his queennnnn to beeeee. the man that does that might in fact be brown, yellow, puerto rican or haitian. i’ve just gotta remind myself of what’s important here – and that he may show up in a package i wasn’t expecting.
Great post on interracial dating. I’ve got friends and former students I’m sending this story to right now!! I’m an old married woman, but this is a topic we’ve bantered around a lot!!
“Maybe this is one time it’s okay for me to be closed-minded.”
If you sincerely open yourself up to new things and give them a fair shot, and it confirms what you already believed about yourself, that’s not close-minded at all. It just means you’re understanding yourself more deeply.
From my standpoint, seems like you’re going about things in a mature and clear-headed fashion. Bravo!
My tastes have run pretty international myself, having traveled and spent some time living abroad. The sheer variety that exists on the spectrum of womanhood is delightful to a connoisseur of femininity such as myself but the older I’ve gotten the more clear it’s become that when it comes to deep issues of the heart and soul, only sistas truly understand me.
I applaud your willingness to step out of your comfort zone. Although things have gotten better, interracial relationships is still a touchy subject. Good luck in your future horseback riding expeditions.
It could be that you weren’t into this one particular guy.
It could be that you aren’t into IR, for yourself, because it feels weird/new/alien.
It could be that for you, your future dh being black is a must.
It’s an interesting discussion.
C W said:
I am glad to hear more Black women are stepping out of their comfort zone…And guess what??? There may be some bumps and snags along the way, but ’tis is life…lol…I believe you are well on your way to finding THE ONE, no matter what his color is : )