by vivrant thang on what about your friends


Oooh it feels so good
When you let go of all the drama in your life
Now you’re free from all the pain
Free from all the game
Free from all the stress
So try for happiness

One of the first things I tell any man I meet is that I live a quiet, drama-free life. I work at a place that requires a security clearance and I return home to my quiet condo community, in a building with a lot of senior citizens that are probably in bed by 7pm. I let my hair down as often as possible, but I do not court any situations that would land me on Maury or Jerry.

For the most part, I surround myself with like-minded people. I truly believe you are known and influenced by the company you keep. However, there’s always that one friend….

A few weeks ago, a friend of mine sent me an e-mail informing me that she was about 2 months pregnant. Not many things shock me, but this one did.  I knew she had been seeing someone for about 6 months or so and she “loved him.” I also knew that she was ambivalent about kids for several reasons and never really saw herself as a mother. So of course I wanted all the details of how this happened and what she planned to do. I wasn’t at all expecting what I heard.

I won’t get into everything because well, there is just no need to put her on Front Street like that. But I must share some details to make my point. Essentially, she found out that baby daddy, who was well integrated into the family by this time, had several issues in his past (prison time, not so ex-wife, baby momma drama).

*An aside here, my first thought was how did she not know about all of this? Maybe I’m just an overly inquisitive chick, but there are certain questions I ask potentials that will tell me everything I need to know. Of course there are professional liars, but there are certain things that just won’t add up if you pay close attention and listen to that inner voice that’s whispering “This negro is shaddddyyy!” For instance,  If you’ve done a long prison stint, that’s a large hole in your life that’s unaccounted for. I’m gonna need to know exactly what you were doing with your life from age 19-30. Sorry.

Back to the details.

Finding all this out, coupled with his strong reaction to her being pregnant, made things go way south, as you can imagine. She’s also experiencing some issues with her pregnancy at this point and is supposed to be resting. However, she decides to go over there to get some things she left after he refused to bring them to her. He gives her all but one item, which he refuses to return. She decides she’s not leaving without that item and they start a tug-of-war over it. This tug-of-war leads to him hitting her in the face, putting her in a headlock, and finally them falling through the screen door. At this point, he calls the cops and she decides to leave, but as soon as his back was turned, not before grabbed that item!

As a friend, I had to go off on her and it was not pretty. One of the things I told her is that the drama in her life has got to stop. This isn’t the first time she’s had some crazy situation go down with some dude. What may or may not surprise you is that she is by all accounts educated and successful. She just has a history of bad choices in men. Only thing is now, it’s not just about her and what she wants. She was already proving to be an unfit mother by putting them both in that situation where things could have gone horribly wrong.

I hope she wasn’t just listening and really heard me.

You know as much as I like to say that I felt Mary’s music more when she was living the high and dramatic life, I certainly am glad she rose above all of that. I was fortunate to see her in concert in Jamaica this summer. To see her perform “No More Drama” live is like having your own cathartic experience. It was a month after “The Break-Up” and seeing Mary re-release those demons on that stage made me know that I too would be alright.

Now I just have to work on my girl….

Update 12/16: I just found out that the Negro had her served with a restraining order and they had to go to court. The judge laughed in his face and sent them on their way. Needless to say, I don’t think she’ll ever hear from him again…which is good and bad. Another fatherless daughter. However, sometimes no father is better than an f’d up one.