Tags
acoustic soul, india arie, india arie ready for love, longing to be in a relationship, relationship advice
I am ready for love
All of the joy and the pain
And all the time that it takes
Just to stay in your good grace
After a very rough day, I was relaxing with a glass of Riesling and watching the NCAA Women’s Tourney. I got a text from a good friend telling me that she planned to unplug for a few days because she was going through a tough time. She was growing impatient with some changes she wanted to come about in her life. Even though I had hung a “Don’t Disturb This Groove” sign on my door, being the super friend that I am, I offered my ear if she needed it. After all, she was the only person, besides my Mom, who was really there for me when I was going through some trying times last year.
As we talked, she shared how she has been having a rough couple of days dealing with overwhelming pangs of lonlieness. She has long been ready to meet that special someone and commence to birthing his babies. She wondered why Mr. Right kept taking a detour right before he got to her doorstep. She was ready for love and. In addition, although she wouldn’t admit it, I knew a part of her is also still hurting at the fact that the man she thought she was supposed to end up with is getting married this month. Obviously, she wasn’t invited and will have to sing “Congratulations” from afar.
She’s also dealing with a lot of her friends getting engaged, married, and pregnant. When would it be her turn? She felt bad for even thinking it, but so many of her friends that are coupled up hadn’t been doing right…whatever right is…not that she should be the one to judge.
I listened and empathized – to a degree. Over the past few months, I’ve noticed a shift in my own mindset – not something I’ve been consciously working on. For the past few years, I’ve been focused on sowing my royal wild oats. Looking like this, slowed my flow a tad in my early 20s. Lately, I definitely see that I’m starting to think differently. Lizz Wright’s “When I See Love” often plays randomly in my head. I think it’s also because I finally have real life examples of good relationships that are working. I’m starting to come around and think the same just might be possible for me (though I still think my wedding song will be Van Hunt’s “Down Here in Hell (With You)”…but that’s another post). I’m still working all that out in therapy.
Where we differ is that I don’t find myself dwelling on it. My singleness doesn’t keep me up at night. Now full disclosure here: I could probably snap my fingers right now and be in a relationship with not one, but two men that could potentially lead to marriage. These are good men…for someone else. Vivrant Thang has a pretty clear picture of the attributes “the one for ME” should have. I won’t settle.
I can’t spend my time obsessing about when he’s going to come into my life. I gotta keep on living…and that’s what I want to make sure that she does. She has a lot going for her…new business venture, grad school, travel, certification exam prep. I told her she knows good and damn well that when he does come walking through that door, all of that stuff will fall by the wayside. She’d be too busy hugged up, frying chicken and shit. (She’s all domestic). All the things she’s trying to accomplish would become secondary.
I remember when I was last involved. Particularly in the beginning, all I wanted to do was be in his face. All I was thinking about was planning things for us to do, not things I needed to do – beyond my basic responsibilities of course. At some point, you try to find that balance. But that takes a while when love is new. I advised her that as a single woman, the last time in her life when it’s truly all about her, she needed to focus on her and getting things done.
It’s hard, if not impossible, to control your feelings. We’re not meant to be alone and if you are, loneliness is inevitable. (Hell, you can be lonely even when someone is around. Another post for another day). You have no control over when (and even if!) the right person will show up, but you do have control over how you spend your time until you meet them.
Nothing wrong with being ready for love. Just make sure you are ready when it shows up.
I am ready for love
If you’ll take me in your hands
I will learn what you teach
And do the best that I can
For those of you still “living the single life,” how are you spending your time while you “wait for love?”
SONGS IN THE KEY OF LIFE 
Unfortunately, I find myself in the same situation as your friend. Longing for an outside love. I say outside because a lot of people think that if you aren’t happy by yourself, then you must not be happy with yourself. I have come to love the person I am. I just wish someone else loved me unconditionally and always. Its hard not having that companionship that I see others enjoying. I look forward to both the joys and pains of love. anything has to be better than the pains of loneliness.
@imsofamous – I’m so glad you brought up self-love. I wanted to add that whole aspect to it but it was already long enough! You are exactly right. And I guess my point is that’s the things we should be working on while we’re “waiting for outside love.” Love that.
I definitely feel you on wanting that “unconditional love.” As I said, I didn’t think that was possible until I saw it show up for some family/friends. It’s human to want that because again, we weren’t created to be alone.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this.
Sometimes I feel like your friend. Then I get focused so that I’m ready for him and pray that he doesn’t come until he’s ready for me. I also look at friends and wonder if the grass is really greener on the other side…. Purely selfish, of course. I don’t have to share closets, food, or the bed with anyone! I can wake up and make as much noise as I want without disturbing anyone, and I don’t have to be civil with family members that I don’t care for. Although being in a relationship is col, being single is awesome!
Girl, I just broke up a month ago with the man I thought I would settle down and have kids with. It really did me in for a bit, but I have come to terms that everything happens for a reason. He came into my life when I was dealing with my dad and his cancer and myself and some tough decisions – so he made his entrance when the lord knew I needed someone to lean on. It is kinda like that poem, how everyone comes into your life for a reason, season or lifetime. His season is over (almost 3 years) and I still miss him as it is still fresh, but such is life. Right now, I just moved to NYC, started school at NYU (decided to get another BA – this time in Magazine Publishing, a lifelong dream) and I am doing ME. Just having fun and doing the damn thing (in other words, bringing out the evil gemini twin!!!) You are right, I forgot how sweeet being single can be! : )
Working on self and keeping busy. Been single for a very long time and it’s great. 🙂
@sabrina – I like your attitude 🙂 That’s another good point that I’ve shared with my friend. Her man may still be being prepared for her. Don’t want him showing up until he’s ready!
@ ph – Working on self – exactly. Love your attitude too!
@ The Connoisseur – You are SO right. I totally buy into that reason, season, lifetime bit. It’s so true. I have had so many people come into my life at just the right time and I have no problem letting them go when the time is over. I just take the time to reflect on what lesson they taught me. I’m glad he came into your life to give you someone to lean on. The Lord just works it out like that doesn’t he?!
I LOVE what you’re doing now! Pursuing your dreams. You know I’m all for that. I know you are loving NYC. So much trouble you and your twin can get into there 😉
Single is all I know, so its just business as usual over in these parts.
I understand that longing. I’ve had it for quite some time but I think it’s been a blessing for me not to be in a relationship because I’ve been able to focus on me and bettering me. And I think once I get me right, Mr. Right will come along with no problems.