by vivrant thang on what about your friends
What about your friends will they stand their ground
Will they let you down again
What about your friends are they gonna be low down
Will they ever be around or will they turn their backs on you
I know a sista has been a little scarce around these parts over the last couple of weeks or so – slacking in the comment response and such. I still love ya’ll but I have been going through a couple of things, as you can probably tell by today’s ‘song in the key of my life.’
True friendship has always been very important to me. Over the years, I have had lots of associates and activity partners as I’m the type of person people are drawn to. However, I can count the number of true, ride-or-die friends that have come into my life over the past 30 3/4 years – that are still in my life today – and have plenty of fingers left over. And that’s okay. I don’t think you need that many.
My best friend and I met during our sophomore year of college. Our friendship has certainly been battle tested, but she has truly been there for me and I know she’s real. She actually introduced me to another woman and our friendship grew to the point that I just knew she would be one of those lifetime friends. She was there for me during the break-up last year (one of the people who kept me from catching a case). She encouraged me when I thought I would never escape from the mental imprisonment that was my former job. I have been there for her over the past few years that we’ve known each other in similar ways.
Our relationship has mostly grown over the phone because we’ve always lived in different states and have never had the chance to hang out extensively. Recently we had the opportunity to spend some time together and let’s just say, a sista’s eyes were wide open when she boarded the plane back to DC.
Let me explain. This is a bit uncomfortable for me to talk about because I’m a modest woman. However, this is also something that my mother has had to deal with all of her life and it’s the reason why at 61 years-old, she does not have any female friends. Not one.
Jealousy.
Whether it’s the way she carries herself, the way she dresses…or simply who she is, she has always drawn insecure women to her that eventually hurt her in a major way because they were jealous or envious of her. Yes, a couple of them have admitted it to her after the friendships were over.
Appears I’m following in her footsteps…at least with this friend.
Two weeks before my birthday, she did something to me which I will eventually forgive, but never ever ever forget. As a result, the friendship is over. Has to be – because the trust and respect I had for her is completely gone. (Yes, this was a biggie.) I never thought that she was the type of woman to let her insecurities get the best of her to the point where she would intentionally do something as hurtful as she has done to someone that is supposed to be friend.
This isn’t an easy thing to admit but when I was heavier, I had some of those same insecurities. So besides the fact that I am highly intuitive, I recognized what some of her behavior was really saying when we were hanging out because I’ve felt a lot of the same things. However, I have never let those feelings cause me to hurt my true friends intentionally.
Luckily, although I’m not religious, I am spiritual and I do have faith. I definitely believe in everything happening for a reason and that life’s events, good and bad, are all part of a larger plan. I know that there’s a reason why this happened and I am just waiting for the lesson to be revealed.
Folks, even if you don’t have romantic love in your life, please cherish your true friendships. They are hard to come by – and even harder to keep.
Enough of this shit.
Be sure to stop by tomorrow to celebrate the birthday of the 8th Wonder of the World – none other than Mr. Stevie Wonder! You know we gonna part-tay up in this joint! No Stevie, no Songs In The Key of Life. So ponder your favorite Stevie joints tonight, as I know you have many, and be ready to share with me tomorrow.
If you’re celebrating Stevie on your blog tomorrow, be sure to leave a note in the comments so I can link you up.
SONGS IN THE KEY OF LIFE 
I feel your pain girl. About 4 years ago I went through a thing that left me battle scarred and bruised. It was in this moment when I had a “friend” decide that it was her job to garner sympathy in my behalf by telling everyone we knew together about something very private happening in my life. Well, to make a long story short I cut her off the second i found out. I have had occasion to see her at least twice, but each time when she suggests she misses me I tell her in no uncertain terms I can’t be bothered. Some people are here for a moment, a time or a season. True friends are there for life. Don’t feel bad about only having few real friends. I only have a few myself.
Boy, oh boy! You certainly struck a chord with me on this one…now this will be on my mind for a moment…
But seriously, I can count on one hand my true friends, and still have enough fingers left over to hold a glass, you feel me? And I am not at all concerned about it…
It’s a shame that women do such things to each other. I love sisterhood and it bothers me to hear things like this. Sometimes it seems as if I’m the only one who believes in it.
Wow! i guess we all as women pretty much have to go through these experiences to help us understand who we are, as well as what we truly should be looking for in a friendship. I am going through the same things with a person I thought was my best friend for the last 13 years. When she found out about a small window of opportunity was coming my way, to help me follow my dreams of modeling, she freaked out. Became super-intimidated, and actually was supposed to accompany me to the shoot. After the company accomodated her, only at my behest, the tramp didn’t even show up to catch the plane. We don’t really speak anymore. I don’t think she ever really had my best interest at heart.
@ Ingrid – I can’t even imagine how that felt having your business put out in the street by a FRIEND. And that reason, season, lifetime thing is what’s getting me through. Some people just can’t take up space in your world forever and it’s better that way.
@Marvalus – I hear ya girl! As I said before, sometimes it’s better that way. Less drama!
@ ph- Welcome back! You’re not the only one that believes in it but those that do are few and far between!
@famous – Whoa! I can’t even imagine how you felt when she didn’t show up. Sounds like just the kind of thing I was talking about. Folks letting their insecurities get the best of them. Jealously is a m’fer.
Ms. Vivrant,
I just wanted to let you know that I can really appreciate how you connect with your readers. Your responses and feeling that personal connection is what keeps me coming back! Thanks ‘cuz you’re the greatest. Hey, I bet you’re the only one in the world who can guess where I derived my screen name from.(LOL)
Oooooh, girl. You struck a chord with this one. I’ve had this experience more than I care to recall. Now I have perhaps three girlfriends who I truly love and keep close to my heart. But I’ve been burned a LOT. I tackled this topic but once on Afrobella, but you’ve encouraged me to revisit it.
This was a great, great post. Thank you for writing it.
@imsofamous – you don’t know how on time this comment is. i really appreciate that. i’m just being me here so i’m glad you feel that personal connection. hmmm…taking a wild guess. joi has a song on Tennessee Slim by the same name. is that it?
@ bella – i already responded on your blog but i can’t tell you how much your comment means to me for several reasons. thank you so very much. this was a cathartic post and i’m still dealing with a lot of emotions right now so i may revisit it. it also came at a bad time because i was dealing with some other stuff as well. such is life.
anyhow, I think three true friends is a good number – at least it is on TV. LOL! I look forward to your post.
It’s sad to say, but if your a women, you know what it means to deal with jealous and envious friends. You mentioned your mother and my mother once told me that she could not be around her friends longer than a couple of days. I did not understand that when I was a teenager but now that I’m an adult, I understand completly. I will tell you what has helped me in this situation. After I’m done being mad, I realize that they really didn’t mean to hurt me. They did what they did, because they weren’t happy with themselves, and doing what they did made them feel a little better about themselves. I know sad right? After realizing that it makes it easier to forgive and move on.
@ Tip – You are 1000% correct with everything you’ve said. It’s a shame that it has to be that way with female friendships. You’re right, I know what she did wasn’t about me. I’ve tried to remember that with all the people that have hurt me over the years. I’m not a very forgiving person in general but but I’ve been working on that. Coming to the realization that it’s not about me has definitely been helping.
Thanks so much for your comment.
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