Earn My Affections

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amel

You got to
earn my affection
put your back into it
before we get this show on the road
don’t make me
lose all my self respect
I ain’t desperate yet so
come on now stop actin’ out and act like you know

Last week I listened in on CreoleinDC’s online talk show Word On The Curb, The Independent Woman edition. The discussion really got deep as they talked about to negotiate dating as an woman who is used to doing for self and how that plays out with men who ultimately need to be needed.

Long after I logged off, the conversation stayed on my mind. Recently a male friend who I’ve known for several years described me as having a tough exterior but underneath it all, I’m “aight.” Okay, whatever that means! I do have a tough exterior for several reasons but it’s not hard to melt it away with some ack right. When I’m treated right, I respond in kind. It comes natural to me.

I’ve been taking care of self since I was 17. I left home for college and haven’t moved back in with my Momma for even a single day. Not that she would have me 🙂 I’ve never been lucky or unlucky enough (depending on how you look at it) to always have a man around to take care of things for me. I’ve always had to do for self and done it quite well. I live a pretty fortunate life over here compared to some. Mama Viv raised a woman well equipped to handle her business.

I go into automatic pilot when it’s time to take care of things. I navigated the entire homebuying process – on my own. I moved myself twice (once interstate)- again, on my own. I take care of everything related to my household  and everyday living- once again, on my own. I don’t have a Daddy, Mommy, family, or even friends to call in the area if I have an immediate need. That’s just how it is. It’s not that I’m so independent that I never felt I could depend on anyone. That’s just my life. So in some ways, I suppose being an “independent” woman for just about half my life has made me a bit of a “hard rock” who appears not to need anybody.

However, underneath that tough exterior, when I do meet a man that is worthy of my time and company, I am more than willing to step back and let him act like a man. In many ways, I expect it.  If we’re seeing each other regularly and you’re spending time with me at my home, call me crazy but I should never be carrying the groceries in from the car or taking the trash out.  If I need something (and we’re not talking about money for the light bill here), I should be able to depend on you. It’s not that I can’t do all these things. I don’t want to do all these things.

The fact is, I need you. And I’m not ashamed to admit it.

Now some would argue that a man shouldn’t be expected to do any of those things if you’re just dating. What does Amel say?

before we get this show on the road?

How will I know that I want to get the show on the road if you’re not showing me what I can expect down that road? If a dude is acting like a boy while we’re dating, I’m smart enough to know he’s not going to magically morph into a man once I got papers on him.

you set a pretty table and serve me raw meat
ask me to your show but don’t save me a seat

So on that glorious day when I do find a serious candidate for the hard but rewarding  job of becoming Mr. Vivrant Thang and we are in “negotiations” about what our expectations are, I will make it clear that there are certain things I’ll “expect” him to take care of if he wants to live happily ever after with me (and he should do the same). Nothing unreasonable.

Bottom line, if he’s a man and he sees how well I respect and treat myself, then it should be natural for him to respond in kind and treat me like a woman…his woman.

However, as I’ve learned, there are times when you have to open up your mouth and ask for what you want.

Some small examples of things that Viv already knows she’ll be putting on the table.

I don’t want to have to worry about my car. I’ll be riding his big-headed kids around. Therefore, it’s his responsibility to make sure it’s clean and running right.

I really don’t want to know what’s going on outside the house with the exception of the gardening. I’ll help out (depending on what it is) but I  just don’t want to be primarily responsible for fixing or maintaining anything.

This are just minor examples, nothing I think is unreasonable or out of pocket. Trust me, once a man has put his back into it and truly earned my undying affection, he will move heaven and earth to keep it.

It’s like that. And that’s the way it is.

 Not familiar with this song? Check out a live performance by Amel Larrieux.

Don’t Wake Me. I’m Dreamin. HWSNBN Joins Q-Tip On Stage for Vivrant Thing

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In case you hadn’t heard, while Q-Tip was performing at the House of Blues in Vegas, HWSNBN  got that funky feeling and joined him for your favorite song and mine, “Vivrant Thing.” I heard about this a couple of weeks ago and hat tip to Honey Soul and Industry Soul for pointing me towards the visual evidence.

Some are doubting this is really HWSNBN. I can understand the side eye activation. This is Vegas. However, if it wasn’t him,  let me enjoy my stay on Fantasy Island. Please and thank you.

I don’t know if I could have made it through the performance without needing an oxygen mask. I literally almost passed out when I saw HWSNBN up close and personal at Club 3121 in Vegas. No seriously I did. And you see how I ack a fool when Tip performs “Vivrant Thing” (although this was a bit low key for my taste). It wouldn’t have been anything nice.

Enjoy!

Old School Friday: Aaliyah

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aaliyah2

Happy Friday Folks.

This week’s theme is singer turned actor or actor turned singer.

It still hurts to think about “Babygirl” and what a loss the music world suffered seven years ago. Can you believe she would have been 30 next month?

As I’m sure you remember, Aaliyah’s star also shined brightly on the big screen. She had major roles in Romeo Must Die and Queen of the Damned and was set to film The Matrix at the time of her death.

We’ll forever be missing you BabyGirl. Often imitated, never duplicated. Never. This means you Uncle Cici.

Let’s celebrate her music today with three of my favorites. I chose one from each of her albums, which was HARD because I loved just about every song on One In A Million.

Title track from debut album, “Age Ain’t Nothing But A Number”

Title track from second album, “One In A Million” (made my top 50 list)

“Rock The Boat” from her last album, Aaliyah. I don’t think we’ve ever seen her look more beautiful (if that’s even possible). It was also one of my favorite videos of hers and is still a bit hard to watch.

Share your favorite Aaliyah songs in the comments and be sure to check out the other OSF participants.

Gettin Up With Q-Tip (Again): Concert Review

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by vivrant thang on q-tip renaissance concert review

 

qtip

I’m convinced that the best times are had at events you force yourself to attend.

I met my ex at an outing that I was thisclose to not attending.

Okay, maybe that’s a bad example.

When I heard Q-Tip was coming back to town in support of The Renaissance, I was THERE. No question. I was even going to overlook the opening acts which I couldn’t care less about, Pacific DivisionKnux, and The Cool Kids. I mean as much as I am loving Renaissance, I just had to be there to see it come alive on stage.

Sunday came so quickly. I was just returning from a great holiday in New Jersey despite a 3 hour ride that turned into 6. It was nasty and cold outside and I was thinking of every excuse in the book to remain stretched out on my pillow top mattress watching every football game that came on the boob tube.

Thank God I didn’t give in to my laziness or I would have missed yet another show that must make my 2008 list of top concerts of the year. (It’s already apparent that this will have to be a top 10 list and not a top 5).

I got there about an hour and a half after doors opened. It would have been later but I didn’t want to be pushed too far to the back. Much to my chagrin, I got there just in time for the Knux and The Cool Kids. From the audience reaction, I guess they were aiight. Not my type of hype. I was there to see one person and one person only. Anything else was just a distraction.

In retrospect, I wish I had caught Pacific Division. DJ YZO of Industry Soul pointed me to some clips on You Tube and told me to stop sleeping. I would have given them a listen had I made it there in time. They are pretty nice with theirs.

However, I was there for the main event. When Kaamal the Abstract took the stage, opening with “Shaka,” the energy was incredible as you’ll be able to tell from my footage.

Disclaimer. This is far from my best work. Not only was I not up front in my “reserved spot,” where I would have likely been shut down from recording, but also you’ll see that I definitely need to upgrade to a motion stabilizing camera ASAP.

Shaka

The best way I could describe this show is a Rock The Bells Part II. And you know how much I enjoyed that. Once again, we were in the presence of a true emcee commanding the stage. Not some saggy assed big dummy walking to and fro aimlessly mumbling like he’s got a mouth full of shit. Like this guy. *sucks teeth in disgust*

And as you can see, the energy and the love was amazingly high for his entire set, just as it was at Rock The Bells. I died several deaths throughout the evening, particularly while watching this white guy,, who later told me he was 40, literally jump up and down for 5 minutes straight like his draws were filled with Mexican jumping beans.

Once again, like a real entertainer, Q-Tip’s set list was a perfect blend of the new and old. He held us down with just the right blend of Tribe, early solo material, and tracks from Renaissance, which of course I was most anxious to hear. So many songs on the album beg for live instrumentation. I actually felt like he looked at my top rated list on the pod as he performed all my favorites except for Manwomanboogie.

We Fight/We Love f Raphael Saadiq

I thought I would crave Raphael actually singing live on this one (which would have been hot of undoubtedly). But between Q-Tip tearing up that tambourine and getting his croon on a bit, I barely even noticed. He held it down quite nicely.

You

This was one of the highlights of the night for me as this is probably in my top two favorite songs on the album. The lyrics are saying a lot. I love how he started the song off and and the band is killing it, making it a bit more uptempo.

Move (he didn’t have to tell me twice!)

While Q-Tip was away taking all that hot shit off preparing to return for his encore, DJ Scratch got busy on the 1s and 2s.

He slayed us to the point that Q-Tip had to make sure it was alright to retake his own stage! Much of the second half of the show was filled with classics like “Award Tour,” “Scenario,”  “Check the Rhime,” “Relax Yourself,” and my all time fave “Bonita Applebaum.” They had the video playing on the screen while he was performing.

I also got my performance of “Vivrant Thing” in it’s entirety. I will die a happy woman.

Gettin Up / Vivrant Thing

He ended the night on the perfect note (for me) with a performance of  “Life Is Better,” which is probably the other song in my top two. He came down into the audience so that we could get involved.

When it was over, people were still hanging by the stage, thirsty for more. I was right there with them! I was indeed so happy that I decided to come out. It’s nights like this and this and this that make me remember when I used to actually purchase hip hop cassettes. Back in the days when I used to love h.e.r.

I hope you already have The Renaissance but if you should need more convincing because you think Viv is biased and shit, check out this great review (and look around a bit while you’re at it).

 As always, the remainder of the videos I didn’t highlight like “Feva,” “Renaissance Rap,” “Verses from the Abstract,” and “God Lives Through” are over on my You Tube channel for your viewing pleasure. That thing is about to explode at 575 videos to date. Hey, I love music.

 

 

Gift Suggestions For The Music Lover In Your Life: Box Sets and Books

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by vivrant thang on musical gifts

christmas_music

It’s the most wonderful time of the year! At least that’s what I’m trying to tell myself. Viv is struggling a bit to get into the spirit of her favorite holiday. However, I’m sure as I start decorating and shopping, things will seem brighter.

There won’t be a whole lot of gifts under my tree this year. (Won’t be buying that many either). But I do plan to treat myself to a few things to satisfy my musical sweet tooth. Over the next week, I’ll be doing a couple of posts with gift ideas for the music lover in your life.

As much as I like to pretend I know music, I still have much to learn. These are just a few of the books and box sets that I’d like to add to my collection that I can use for historical context for much of my writing. A lot of these books and box sets have been out for a several years and so you should be able to scour the web and find them at deeply discounted rates. Which is important since we’re in a recession and all!

Any additions to this list? Or perhaps you have some of these already and want to share your thoughts?

I’ll be back soon with another one of my Music Therapy posts, which should also generate some gift ideas for the music lover in your life. I’ll also be giving you my thoughts on a few of the Christmas albums that were released this year.

update: I just found out about this Motown: The Complete #1’s box set after “Stevie Wonder” sent me a friend request on Imeem (nice page).

motown

Love, love, love the packaging. It’s not cheap at $120 but you are getting 10 discs with 191 songs. This is definitely going on my wishlist for when I land that elusive sugar daddy.