babies, essence magazine, kids, makes me wanna holler song by marvin gaye, single mother hood, single parents, What's Going On
Oh make me wanna holler / throw up both my hands
Oh, make me wanna holler/They don’t understand
Apparently, 2008 will be a baby extravaganza. I know at least five women who are expecting, one of whom is very close to me. It was a bit unexpected, but she’s happy. Another friend is expecting twins after a long and expensive road to conception. I’m thrilled for her. So babies have been on the brain lately, but not in the way you would think.
This past Saturday, I was at my monthly Essence Magazine / Jungle Fever-esque sista girl discussion with a group of black professional women, all between the ages of 28-38. It’s not a set group that attends everytime, but the majority of the women that come are never married with no children. The conversation flowed from topic to topic as it usually does when a group of women get together.
Believe it or not, we rarely discuss this, but as fate would have it, we got on the topic of who among us had gotten “the talk” from our doctors about conception over the age of 30. Many of the women said that their doctors told them they had better hurry up and get pregnant because the clock was ticking. Not that they had any medical issues that would be alleviated with a pregnancy. Now that, I could understand. Nope…just that their eggs were becoming hard-boiled.
I haven’t gotten the talk from my doctor yet. She just writes my prescription for the baby blocking stuff and sends me on my way. I don’t have any female issues so I would look at her cross-eyed if she even fixed her lips to say that, especially since she doesn’t see any indication of a change in my marital status. I am just turning 30 though so it may be coming.
My issue is why is it acceptable to tell a single woman that she better hurry up and have kids just because she’s getting older? Or better yet, why does it seem that something is wrong with a single woman over 30 if she doesn’t have kids? When did that become the norm?
Lately, when meeting men and they find out my age, they ask “You don’t have any kids?” Or “Why don’t you have any kids? Don’t you like kids?” Pardon moi, but I’m here talking to you, which means I’m single. So it would follow, in my “skewed” line of thinking, that could be the very reason why I don’t have any kids. I mean have we gotten to the point that single motherhood and out-of-wedlock births are par for the course?
Then on the flip side, two of my girlfriends that got married last year said that even before they got engaged, people were already asking the couple when they were going to get pregnant?! I mean can they make it down the aisle and make this thing legitimate? Can the ink dry on the marriage license before conceiving a little crumb snatcher? I just don’t get that.
Now don’t get me wrong, I am not certainly trying to down single mothers. It’s much harder work in one day than I do in a week. Hell, I was raised by one for several years after the death of my father and before she remarried. I am also not against women who decide – look, I want a child. The man may or may not come, but I want to be a mother. In a way, I admire that. That’s not my personal choice, but I can understand it. When the maternal instinct is there, it can be strong. I’ve had it myself for years, but I’m not interested in that kind of lifestyle change while I’m single. I have no desire to do it on my own. Call me and women like me uptight and bourgie all you want. Just make sure the t-shirts are cute.