Category Archives: Feeding The Music Jones

Brick House

16 Wednesday Apr 2008

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by vivrant thang on daily news

She’s a brick house
Mighty mighty, just lettin’ it all hang out
She’s a brick house
The lady’s stacked and that’s a fact,
ain’t holding nothing back.
She’s a brick house
She’s the one, the only one,
who’s built like a amazon

By now I’m sure you’ve seen the latest bikini picture of packing and stacking Serena Williams taken on a Miami beach.  TMZ was so kind to post it with the usual snarky commentary they’ve become famous for.

There isn’t a tennis court big enough to contain Serena Williams’, er, talent! Paging Sir Mix-a-Lot! Serena took her booty out for a stroll in Miami on Thursday — and no injuries were reported.

Nice? You ain’t seen nothing yet. Check out the comments.

She sees herself as a model and fashion designer and thinks she looks fantastic. Another 15 years of trips to KFC should see her truly “blossom” into a frequent flyer that has to pay for 3 seats. 

Now what tiny white girl is going to be able to compete with this monster?….Maybe Black women are not equal to white women—they are built stronger and bigger, and if so, this must be accounted for. So much for equal rights. (WTF? —VT)

 She’s a fat pig, simple as that. That body is gross…. And that booty? Fatty, fat, fat, fat. If it were firm and muscular it wouldn’t look like a stuffed sausage in that too small bikini bottom. (I wonder if it just snapped in two under the strain?) …All you people saying we’re jealous and she’s got a great body need to get yourselves to an eye doctor quick, ‘cuz that chick is a straight up whale. She needs to get herself to Lane Bryant and buy a modest one piece that actually FITS. She should get a sarong while she’s at it. People pay a lot of money to vacation at Miami Beach and they shouldn’t have to look at that butt. (And she didn’t? -VT)

This girl is most definetly on steroids AND Human Growth Hormones. There is no way in hell that she isn’t. If she is passing tests, I would suggest testing her everyday for a month. Then the truth would come out. C’mon look at her, it’s insane. 

THAT’S ONE FREAKIN’ FAT GODDAMN ASS. I WONDER HOW MANY TENNIS BALLS ARE ACTULLY LOST IN THERE. THAT ASS IS AT LEAST 2 PARKING SPACES WIDE…………..

 And now a “sista” gets in the mix and breaks it down.

Serena looks gross. I’m black, naturally thin, and my butt is flat and I’m proud of it. It’s all about the face, not the body. Ask any man and they would prefer pretty face, flat butt rather than ugly face large butt.  (You don’t say! – VT)

She knows she got everything
a woman needs to get a man, yeah.
How can she use, the things she use
36-24-36, what a winning hand!

These disgusting comments aren’t anything new nor are they surprising. Of course because of her celebrity, Serena will never be able to take a low key stroll on the beach, minding her own business, without being photographed and put on display for ridicule.

When I saw this story on O Hell Nawland went to TMZ to read the comments, the first thing I thought of was Venus Hottentot and how the public dissection of the black woman’s body will never end. When I checked into Racialicious to see what they were saying about it, I see Letoya had the same thought.

Although people have been saying it for years as Serena and Venus systematically smacked down all those “poor tiny white girls” on the tennis court, I am disgusted by accusations that she is a monster all pumped up on the juice attacking defenseless white women. Surely, she can’t just be damn good at what she does and take care of her body, which is what ALL professional athletes are supposed to do. No, that would be too easy. I can look at her and tell that she has to work hard to stay in form because if she goes over to Beyonce’s one too many times for Popeye’s biscuits, it will show. To say that she must be guilty of something illegal that would bring disgrace to the Williams’ place in sports history (and to the sport itself ) because of the size of her ass is ludicrous.

Personally, if I had Serena’s body, I would walk around in a string bikini 24 hours a day and not give a damn what anyone thought about my “big nasty ass.” I’ve never been a woman who was interested in being ultra thin. Real women have curves has always been my theory.

When I weighed more than Shaquille O’Neal, I didn’t dream of a day when I would fit into single digits and have a waif-like figure. My first priority was to get healthy – to be rid of my high blood pressure and borderline diabetes. Even as I lost the weight, I was concerned about my DD cups deflating to B’s. I didn’t want to look like somebody wearing Timbos kicked me square in my ass. The pictures I picked out for inspiration were of women with bodies like Tocarra (when she was on Top Model) and Queen Latifah (post breast reduction).

I won’t say the thoughts expressed in these comments is WPS (white people shit). I’m sure there are plenty of Black people that think Serena’s body is disgusting although I can safely say not many of them are brothers. (From what I’ve seen they have much love for her and all her ASSets.)

Serena, I think you look great, although I admit to having much hateration and holleration for you (and for 42-year old Stacey Dash for that matter.) *sigh*

Vivrant got love for you on this blog. And so do the Commodores. If thinking she looks damn good is wrong, I don’t wanna be right!

Commodores, Brick Hoooooussse 

Funky Monday

14 Monday Apr 2008

Posted by in Feeding The Music Jones, In Heavy Rotation

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by vivrant thang on funky monday

It’s a funky Monday
Not quite like Friday
It’s a funky Monday
Wish it was Saturday

A so-so week led to a pretty good weekend. It ended on an especially high note and I feel really good about what’s in store the rest of this year. I got a feeling I’ll be celebrating lots of good times in the months to come.

Damn shame it was so short though. Always is.

Now here we are on a funky Monday, but funky doesn’t have to be a bad thing…especially on this music lover’s blog. Every since I watched this documentary on VH-1 Soul about the evolution of funk, highlighting some of the artists I mention below, I’m been funking non-stop over here.

So if you got the Monday blues, watch some classic video from a few of my favorite funk bands / artists.

*update: I wrote this post last night and knew it was right on time when they played “Knee Deep” on the radio on my way in this morning. I know people driving next to me thought I was a plum fool. Don’t look at me cross-eyed. You know you cut up in the car when your song comes on!

Funkateers, enjoy!

Tell me about some of your favorite funk bands/artists and songs in the comments.

Sly and The Family Stone

Thank You (Falettin Me Be Mice Elf Agin), 1969

I Want To Take You Higher, 1969

James Brown

Get Up (I Feel Like Being) Sex Machine (1970)  & Get On The Good Foot (1972)

Stevie Wonder

Superstition, 1973

P-Funk All Stars with Bootsy Collins

Mothership Connection, 1976

George Clinton & The PFunk Allstars, (Not Just) Knee Deep, 1979

Bootsy Collins

I’d Rather Be With You, 1976 (some SERIOUS, orgasmic funk in this one)

Con Funk Shun

Too Tight, 1981

Earth Wind & Fire

Let’s Groove Tonight, 1981

Music Therapy: Can’t Stop, Won’t Stop

13 Sunday Apr 2008

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That’s twenty-four albums purchased this weekend alone.

Somebody make me go to rehab.

Music Therapy: I Spent The Grocery Money on Music!

13 Sunday Apr 2008

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by vivrant thang on music therapy

A sista has had a hell of a week.

The 9-5 had a sista getting my Kizzy Kinte on. We’re launching a major, highly publicized campaign so the pressure is on. Still I swear – if it wasn’t for the free top-notch healthcare, weekly paycheck and other excellent benefits, they would have received the side eye of the week week week!

A couple of people in my life are cutting a plum fool. I had to fire one of them, but they won’t take the hint. How many ways can you say – in these exact words- “Remove my number from your phone. I don’t ever ever ever want to hear from your black ass again in this life or the next?” The whole situation would actually be humorous if I were watching it happen to someone else.

So after a week like this, there are only really three things that can make me feel better.  Me and a friend indulged in several potent peach martinis at happy hour on Friday. *check* Since we keep it PG-13 (for the most part) on this blog, I’ll just talk about the third thing.

I hit the spot again and did some damage, but not as much as last time. Lately, I’ve been focused on restocking the crates. Over the years, most of my older albums have been lost or stolen. As I’ve been adding to my top songs list, I’ve been reminded of a ton of music I need to own again – particularly a lot of 90s music.

Even though all but one of these albums was under $10, I’ll still be eating PBJ and Ramen Noodles all next week for real.

So worth it!

Have you added any new or new-old music to your collection lately?

A Plethora of Candidates For Side Eye of the Week Week Week

11 Friday Apr 2008

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by vivrant thang on side eye of the week

 

Much to my chagrin, there were multiple things that made my side-eye twitch this week. Let’s jump right in, shall we?

Oh Really, Madge?

Madonna compares the plight of “poor” Britney to what African people have to endure.

“When you think about the way people treat each other in Africa, about witchcraft and people inflicting cruelty and pain on each other, then come back here and, you know, people taking pictures of people when they’re in their homes, being taken to hospitals, or suffering, and selling them, getting energy from them, that’s a terrible infliction of cruelty. So who’s worse off? You know what I mean?”

I vote HELL NO, I don’t know what you mean.

Now THIS deserves a ‘HO SIT DOWN’ in my opinion. I could devote an entire post to how many things are wong with this statement but I won’t bother. This is the way she chooses to shed light on Africa? Save it.

Is this a set-up to adopt poor Britney or is she just trying to stir up shit since she has an album coming out? If this is for publicity, let me not give her anymore help.

Lady, You Got Issues. Check Yourself.

I was enjoying a leisurely lunch the other day at a spot where the tables are practically on top of each other. So you can’t help but be privy to others conversations – whether you want to be or not. Two middle-aged women, one black and one white, were sitting next to me chatting away. After a period of sitting there silently willing them to shut the hell up so I could enjoy my book and lunch in peace, I had no choice but to really listen to what they were saying. The black woman was telling the white woman about a baby in her family that was “ugly” when it was born because it was “really, really dark.” However, when she she got older and lightened up a bit, she got cuter.

That’s YOUR girl. I’m not claiming her.

I Almost Yanked Up An Ungrateful Little Crumbsnatcher

I was leaving Tar-jay (with too many damn bags – why is it you can never just get what you went for in that place) and a father and his two sons were entering. The father was carrying the younger son and the older one was walking beside them. He was about five or six. He says to his father, “Why don’t you spoil us?” I look at the father and he looks at me, shaking his head. I wanted to snatch that kid up and say, “DON’T YOU KNOW WE’RE PRACTICALLY IN A RECESSION? HAVE YOU SEEN THE PRICE OF GAS? FOOD? YOUR LITTLE ASS IS EATING A BUNCH OF JUNK EVERYDAY, AREN’T YOU? YOU ARE SPOILED, TRUST ME!”

Vivrant loves the kids.

These Mofos Are Going STRAIGHT To Hell

You may remember my outrage over the horrific story of Banita Jacks, the woman that murdered her four daughters and left them rot in an upstairs bedroom for an indeterminate amount of time. It still haunts me.

Now I hear that several family members are bringing their trifling asses up out the woodwork, including two of the baby daddies, and plan to sue the city for negligence. One of the fathers is suing for $25 million. Mind you, this nigga (had to resurrect it) was delinquent on the child support.

Where were all these fools when that woman was losing her mind? Where were they when those kids hadn’t been seen for months? Where were you when they were cowering in the house, terrified beyond belief as they watched their demented mother kill their sisters one by one? Now you want to get paid?!

God don’t like ugly.

Vivrant Thang’s Real Name is Roberta Kelly

I actually had to give my damn self the side-eye this week.

My condo community is on the same property as a high school. Over the past couple of days, I’ve seen this kid walking to school who is the spitting image of Chris Brown, but with locs. If this blog goes dark, it’s because the Lord has struck me down for the unnatural thoughts that crept into my head. I must say at 6’2 or so, he certainly wasn’t carrying it like a kid. Clearly he had to be though.

No need to shame me in the comments. I have splashed bleach in my own eyes.

So yes, my side-eye has had a busy week, particularly since I had to turn it on myself!