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SONGS IN THE KEY OF LIFE

~ Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life.

SONGS IN THE KEY OF LIFE

Category Archives: Feeding The Music Jones

My Favorite Things

18 Monday Feb 2008

Posted by Vivrant Thang in Feeding The Music Jones

≈ 19 Comments

Tags

b scott, big daddy kane, blair underwood, felicia pride, hip hop exhibit at national portrait gallery, ice t, in treatment, ll cool j, love b scott, the message

by vivrant thang on my favorite things

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When the dog bites, when the bee stings
When I’m feeling sad
I just simply remember my favorite things
and then I don’t feel so bad.

Although I’m far from sad on this last day of a week-long vacation before I start my new job tomorrow (‘scuse me while I drop down and get my eagle on), I thought I would share some of the things that have been making me smile these days.

Love B. Scott

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I was ridiculously late to this party, but I’m glad I’ve arrived.

From the first time I watched one of B. Scott’s wildly popular YouTube videos, I was hooked. When I’m having a bad day or any kind of dark thoughts, I watch B. Scott, laugh like a damn fool, and feel so much better.

There’s just something about B. Scott. Could be his beauty…inside and out. Maybe it’s his dance moves. Or perhaps it’s that infectious laugh. Whatever it may be, I’ve loving it.

If you’re not yet a love muffin, seriously, you need to get into it.

In Treatment – HBO series

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Every time I try to get away from HBO, they pull me back in!

My plan was to quit them for a while after the last episode of The Wire until Curb Your Enthusiasm, Big Love, or Tell Me You Love Me returned. However, this new half-hour series has me hooked!
It’s about a psychotherapist and his weekly sessions with four very complicated patients. These sessions and his own problems drive him to therapy himself with his old mentor, with whom he also shares an interesting history.

Blair Underwood stars on this show as one of the patients. He’s good.

I watched the first episode when it aired and then life got in the way and I missed the rest. I spent almost a whole day of my vacation catching up. I couldn’t turn away. Could be because it gives me insight into what my own therapist may be thinking while listening to me babble.

More on that later.

Recognize: Hip Hop and Contemporary Portraiture

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I checked out this exhibit at the National Portrait Gallery on Valentine’s Day. Since I love art and black and white photography, especially by Black artists, this was a must-do on a day that was all about me.

Aside: I would love for Mr. Vivrant Thang and I to be serious art collectors and have a small gallery in our home.

But I digress.

It’s an exhibit that showcases portraits of the 2005 Hip Hop Honors nominees as well as black and white photographs of various artists such as Jean Grae, Mos Def, Chuck D, Pharcyde, and a stunningly artistic picture of Erykah Badu.

I snuck a few illegal pictures in (flash off) of the portraits. Better ones on the website.

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Excellent prelude to the National Museum of American History’s “”Hip-Hop Won’t Stop: The Beat, the Rhymes, the Life.” Now this will be an event that folks should come from far and wide for.

With this exhibit, I was especially intrigued by the mixed media installation piece, which is a response to Nikki Giovanni’s poem, “It’s Not a Just Situation: Though We Just Can’t Keep Crying About It.” It was an intricate work that lent itself to lots of interpreration and discussion. I personally spent about fifteen minutes standing there trying to take it all in.

A great companion book for this exhibit, particularly with the inclusion of the portrait of Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five, is Felicia Pride’s new book, The Message: 100 Life Lessons from Hip Hop’s Greatest Songs. Want to remember why you first fell in love with hip-hop, cop it!

Check out Felicia’s recent article in The Baltimore Sun about why this book is so relevant.

the_messge_hires.jpg

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Happy Valentine’s Day: The Show, The Afterparty, The Hotel

14 Thursday Feb 2008

Posted by Vivrant Thang in Feeding The Music Jones

≈ 7 Comments

Tags

cupids hunt, love songs, outkast the love below valentine's day, rhythms in black satin, romantic songs, songs to celebrate valentine's day, songs to play on valentine's day, soul bounce, valentine's day songs

speakerboxxx.jpg

Happy Valentine’s Day
Every day the 14th!
I don’t think y’all heard me!
I just wanna say Happy Valentine’s Day!
Every day the 14th!
Can y’all dig that?

Until last year, Valentine’s Day was a big deal for me. In high school, I remember watching the popular girls walking around with their huge balloons, flowers and teddy bears. In college and beyond, the timing was always off. Either I hadn’t been dating anyone for a while, was only involved with a FEPO (for entertainment purposes only), or I had just broken up with the person I was seeing just before that day.

Last year, up to about a month before, it looked like it would be more of the same. That is until one of the exes popped up wanting to get back. While we were getting reacquainted, I casually mentioned that I had never had a nice Valentine’s Day [read: you need to make it happen]. He promised to make the day special for me. It had only taken 29 years. I was too hype.

He went all out with the planning and it was all very creatively done. As he started to reveal parts of the agenda for the evening, I was thrilled with the effort. I took care of everything on my end as far as my girly maintenance and outfits for the show and the “afterparty.” Other than that, I was instructed to just show up and be my “vivrant” self. I can’t lie. I was enjoying a man working to earn my affection. And it was going to be on Valentine’s Day – finally!

The evening didn’t quite go off without a hitch. I won’t tell the entire story but let’s just say it all came thisclose to being ruined. I had to let Jesus take the wheel and we got through it and went on to have a nice time.

In hindsight, while I greatly appreciated someone making the extra effort to ensure that I finally had a nice Valentine’s Day , it’s really just another day. What’s really important is how we spend the other 364 days of the year. For all he did on that day to get back in, less than two months later, it was quite apparent that nothing had really changed between us the second time around.

I will never become anti-Valentine’s Day, but in a future relationship, I don’t want that to ever be the only day that Mr. Vivrant Thang feels he has to put a little extra effort into us. I believe in regular date nights. Weekend getaways just for a change of scenery. Sweet “just thinking about you” notes left in random places. Naughty calls or texts in the middle of the day. It’s up to both of us to keep the fires going year round.

Now on to the music.

As you can tell by my Top 50 list, I am a fan of the slow and sexy jams. Over the years I’ve mixed up my share of slow and sexy CDs. Now, I like to leave it to the professionals.

The HNIC of my favorite music site, Soul Bounce, shares a couple of mixes he cooked up. Head on over there and grab them. Warning, one of them is called “The Babymaker.” Don’t say I didn’t tell you.

I was excited to see that fellow Jersey native T Grundy of Rhythms in Black Satin had issued a call a call for a carnival of Valentine’s Day mixes. Make sure you stop by Cupid’s Hunt: Searching for Love Music in All The Right Places and set your evening off right…better yet, your entire year off right.

For now, we do things a little more low-tech over here. If I had the time and the know-how, I would have turned my list into a podcast and participated. In any event, I thought I would share some of the songs that were a part of last year’s Valentine’s Day celebration. I decided to break them down into “The Show, The Afterparty, The Hotel.”

Enjoy, but make every day the 14th!

The Show

Fortunate – Maxwell
Say Yes – Floetry
Pretty Brown Eyes – Mint Condition
I Care 4 U – Aaliyah
He Loves Me – Jill Scott
Soul Sista – Bilal
Voyage to Atlantis – Isley Brothers
Damn U – Prince
I Need Love – Robin Thicke
Imagination – Floetry
Adore – Prince
Queen of Sanity – Bilal
Let’s Chill – Guy
A Love of My Own – Average White Band
You – Raheem Devaughn
Promise – Ciara

The Afterparty

I Love You – Keith Washington
You Don’t Have to Go Home – Boney James
Softest Lips –Eric Roberson
Ask Yourself– Raheem Devaughn
Do You Mind – Janet Jackson
Anytime, Anyplace – Janet Jackson
Can We Make Love – Silk
Feenin – Jodeci
If Only For One Night – Luther
Yearning for Your Love– Gap Band
Insatiable – Prince
International Lover – Prince
When We Make Love – Ginuwine
Three Letter Word – Jamie Foxx
Softest Place on Earth – Xscape
Hurry, Hurry – Pete Belasco
Can’t Get Enough – Tamia
Come Inside -Intro
Reasons– Earth, Wind and Fire
All This Love – Debarge
Love Won’t Let Me Wait – Luther
Once, Twice, Three Times – Howard Hewitt
The Beautiful Ones – Prince

The Hotel

Lay Down – Floetry
Turn Off the Lights – Teddy Pendergrass
Sex Me (Parts 1 & 2) – R Kelly
Til The Cops Come Knockin – Maxwell
Scandalous – Prince
Slowly – Tank
Slow Love – Prince
White Turns To Grey – Bilal
Between the Sheets – Isley Brothers
The Greatest Sex – R Kelly
Do Me Baby – Prince
Seconds of Pleasure – Van Hunt
Untitled (How Does It Feel) – D’Angelo
The Art of Love – Toni Braxton
Uhh Ahh – Boyz to Men
Sweet Sour U – Bilal
Sumthin Sumthin (Mellosmoothe) – Maxwell
You Got The Bomb – Brian McKnight
Your Love Is King – Sade

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What’s Going On: National Black HIV/AIDS Awareness Day

07 Thursday Feb 2008

Posted by Vivrant Thang in Feeding The Music Jones

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

barack obama and aids, black churches and aids, black hiv and aids awareness, black men and aids, black women and aids, hillary clinton and aids, hiv, hiv and aids treatment and prevention, hiv statistics, hiv testing, john mccain and aids, laura flanders, living with hiv, statistics on aids in the black community, the aids crisis in the black community, world aids day

by vivrant thang on the aids crisis and national black hiv and aids awareness day

marvin.jpg

Mother, mother
There’s too many of you crying
Brother, brother, brother
There’s far too many of you dying
You know we’ve got to find a way
To bring some lovin’ here today

While America is all abuzz with election coverage and now the tragic tornadoes that have claimed 52 lives, let us take a moment to remember that today is National Black HIV/AIDS Awareness Day.

I already shared some of the sobering statistics during my  week long series of posts for the Black Blogging to End AIDS carnival. They bear repeating.

  • AIDS remains the leading cause of death for Blacks ages 25 to 44, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
  • Blacks make up just 13% of the population of the USA, but they account for 50% of all new cases of HIV.
  • Black women account for 70% of all women with HIV.
  • 70% of the new cases among youth are Black

In light of the country’s infatuation with the elections and who will end up with the Democratic nod (since McCain has all but secured the nomination on the other side of the aisle), I thought I would take the time to compare Obama and Clinton’s platforms and records on this issue, as it is one that is personally very important to me as I’ve had several relatives die of the disease. Even if it hasn’t yet affected you personally, take a look at those statistics again. If this epidemic isn’t addressed, it soon will.

I didn’t have to go very far to find a comparison of the candidates as the Black AIDS Institute has published an informative report, “We Demand Accountability : The 2008 Presidential Elections and the Black AIDS Epidemic.” This report arose out of a written survey that was sent to each of the 16 candidates from both parties that were in the race in October 2007, as well as examination of their public records and their statements on this important issue.

How did we get here?

One of the reasons it’s so imperative that we hold these candidates accountable is because of the inaction of previous administrations.

  • By the time Reagan even mentioned “AIDS” in 1986, he was five years too late. More than 16,000 Americans had already died.
  • Under Big Bush’s watch, the AIDS-related fatalities had risen six fold. By the end of 1992, his last year in office, 190,687 Americans were dead. Nearly one-third of them were Black.
  • Although Clinton did more than his predecessors, against the advice of his secretary of Health and Human Services and other officials, he failed to lift the ban on federal funding for needle exchange programs.
  • Little Bush has cut spending on a wide range of domestic AIDS services (presumably to fund HIS war), which has resulted in Americans dying while waiting awaiting access to AIDS drugs.

Since AIDS is now a “Black disease,” what should Black voters ask of the Presidential candidates to see where they stand on an agenda to combat this epidemic?

Let’s see how the two remaining Democratic candidates stack up:

Do you have a national strategy?

While we may have foreign policies for the funding of AIDS programs in other countries, domestically, we are SORELY lacking. The 40,000 new infections a year and specifically the statistics above scream that fact.

Both candidates have committed to creating a national strategy for America’s response to the AIDS crisis.

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Obama released his national AIDS strategy in October, which specified that “in the first year of his presidency, he will develop and begin to implement a comprehensive HIV/AIDS strategy that includes all federal agencies.” This platform will include “measurable goals, timelines, and accountability mechanisms.”

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Clinton also released her AIDS platform in November which stated, “Federal efforts to tackle HIV/AIDS are diffuse and uncoordinated today…[Hillary] will tie all of the federal efforts together into a single comprehensive national strategy.”

Will you support policies that reduce Black infections?

According to the report, the most effective way the next president can impact the AIDS epidemic is by lifting the ban on federal funding for needle exchange programs. One-fifth of all HIV infections among Black men and women still come from sharing dirty needles. Among Black women infected through sexual contact, 17% of their HIV-positive male partners were infected by sharing dirty needles.

In addition, surveys have shows that Black people are more receptive to health information that is disseminated through their own Black community sources.

Where do the candidates stand on funding needle exchange programs? Will they devote substantial resources to helping the Black community get the word out about AIDS?

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Obama has vowed to fund syringe exchange programs and also stressed his support for the JUSTICE Act.

His platform declares that “HIV has hit some communities harder than others” and that he will “tackle the root causes of health disparities by addressing differences in access to health coverage and promoting prevention and public health.”

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Clinton also agrees to fund needle exchange programs, increase funding for the Minority AIDS Initiative, while also increasing support for nontraditional public health partners, in particular clergy and faith leaders.

Of course we all remember the famous soundbite, “Let me just put this in perspective : If HIV/AIDS were the leading cause of death of white women between the ages of 25 and 34 there would be outraged outcry in this country.”

Will You Support Community-Based HIV Testing?

1.2 million Americans believed to be HIV positive do not know they are infected, which consequently drives the growth of the epidemic. While Blacks get tested at rates more than twice that of Whites, the CDC estimates that half of all positive Blacks don’t know they are infected.

Let’s see where the candidates stand on promoting testing efforts in the Black community.

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It seems Obama has the strongest record on HIV testing, according to the report, because he has led by example. During a trip through Africa, he spoke about the need for personal and political leadership on AIDS. Then both he and Michelle took public tests.

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The report had no information on Clinton’s stance on this issue. I looked at her plan myself and I didn’t find anything either. I hear some of you all talking slick about Hillary probably being scared to take a public test with Bill. Cut it out.

Will you guarantee access to adequate treatement?

Two-thirds of Blacks who are in treatment for AIDS use public insurance, yet Medicaid systems are failing because of financial pressures. It goes beyond the availability of medications. AIDS service providers are no longer able to provide counseling services, nutrition programs, drug recovery programs, and other support mechanisms. As more and more people get tested and learn their status and need public insurance, the resources will become further strained.

Let’s see what our candidates plan to do to clean up this mess.

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Obama co-sponsored the Early Treatment for HIV Act, which would expand Medicaid to allow poor people living with HIV to qualify for public insurance.

He’s also a strong supporter of the Ryan White CARE Act, which is the primary vehicle that funds a variety of health and social programs across the country.

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Clinton pledges to strengthen Medicaid and was one of the two lead sponsors on the Early Treatment for HIV Act. She has been a key player in the ongoing debate for the reform of the Ryan White CARE Act, calling for more funding overall.

Both candidates platforms speak about this issue in the context of their broader healthcare plans, which I know readers have studied because we’re intelligent people here and focus on the issues when we chose which candidate to support. Right?

How will you stop the stigma?

As the Black community is well aware, this down-low phenomenon and the stigma of homosexuality/bisexuality has been a key factor in the spread of this disease, particularly among women. Since the president plays a large role in setting the national tone on a range of key issues, it is imperative that we have a leader who embraces all Americans regardless of sexual orientation or HIV status.

In addition, as some Black churches change their tune and lead the anti-stigma campaigns, faith-based funding is crucial to support their efforts.

Where do the candidates stand?

barack.jpg

Obama supports civil unions for LGBT Americans; banning employment discrimination bases on sexual orientation and gender identity; and has committed to lifting the lifelong ban on HIV-positive travelers entering the U.S.

He also says, “One of the things we’ve got to overcome is a stigma that still exists in our communities. We don’t talk about this. We don’t talk about it in schools. Sometimes we don’t talk about it in churches. It has been an aspect of sometimes a homophobia, that we don’t address this issue as clearly as it needs to be.”

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Clinton also support civil unions for LGBT Americans and supports banning employment discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity.

Her platform stresses that she will work with faith leaders in the Black community on a number of issues, although fighting stigma wasn’t specified.

Lastly, she would also revive public health efforts to reduce infections among gay and bisexual men, particularly Blacks.

So there you have a comparison of the two remaining Democratic candidates platforms on stopping the spread of the disease.

Lest you think I’m biased (which I am), I did not intentionally forget about the Republican party. What do you know? NONE of the candidates bothered to respond to the survey, either in the written form or by telephone interview.

They don’t care about us! Hell, your Vice President didn’t even know there was an epidemic in the Black community…and didn’t care that he didn’t know.

The report does examine each candidate’s public record. At this point, you only need to look at McCain’s record.

  • He has not committed to creating a national strategy
  • He does not support lifting the ban on funding for needle exchange programs
  • He has never stated whether they would support HIV testing of any sort.
  • He has not supported the Early Treatment with HIV Act.
  • Although he was an original sponsor of the Ryan White CARE Act, but has not taken a meaningful role in AIDS treatment and care policymaking since.
  • He has consistently backed legislation that stigmatizes or discriminates against people living with HIV.

You can read the details…or lack of details…in the report.

Moving on.

Regardless of which candidate wins the Democratic nod, it’s imperative that we get these agenda items addressed.  Although I am a proud Obama Mama and am pleased with his track record and platform on this issue that is of utmost importance to me as a Black woman, I also find Hillary’s plan to be one that can make an impact. I would rather support a candidate that at least recognizes there is an issue worth addressing rather than ignores it because it’s not affecting people he cares anything about. That’s not what a president of these UNITED States should be doing.

I also recognize that these candidates say anything on the campaign trail that sounds good to get your vote. I’m sure both Obama and Hillary would love to be able to fulfill each and every one of these platform items. However, likely that’s impossible, particularly with a war to end and an economy to turn around. So it’s up to us to take personal accountability for our own health and well being. If we each pledged to do that, it would far surpass any prevention resources the government could offer.

Again, here are a series of posts I did for World AIDS Day that contain numerous resources around prevention and treatment and how you can personally get involved in the fight.

Here are some more resources for general HIV/AIDS education and voter education on where the candidates stand:

AIDSVote
National AIDS Strategy
08 Stop AIDS
AIDS: 25 Years and Counting
National Black HIV/AIDS Day
Black AIDS Institute

Remember, it starts with personal accountability.

Educate yourself. Protect yourself.

“Obama’s not the savior: we are. He opens a door. We push.”
Laura Flanders

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Makes Me Wanna Holler: I’m Close to The Edge!

05 Tuesday Feb 2008

Posted by Vivrant Thang in Feeding The Music Jones

≈ 11 Comments

Tags

10 year old girl has baby, 10 year old girl raped by mother's boyfriend, 2008 presidential elections, barack obama, bloggers roundtable, democratic party, farai chideya, grandmaster flash, hilary clinton, john mccain, michael chaffer, news and notes, obama stans, obama supporters, republican candidates, the message

by vivrant thang on makes me wanna holler

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Don’t push me cause I’m close to the edge
I’m trying not to lose my head

Now usually I don’t do this because I just don’t have time for multiple postings in one day. However, this was very necessary.

I did so much ranting last week that I promised myself I would focus on the music this week. After all, that  is what this blog is supposed to be about for all intents and purposes. Unfortunately, that’s going to be pretty much impossible in the world we live in. Besides, as I mentioned, I just accepted a new job that is very politically focused so as I learn more about the issues, I’m sure I’ll have a lot more to say. I’ll always have a song for ya though!

Two things have got me close to the edge today. Before I get into all that, I would be remiss on a Super Tuesday if I didn’t say to any of my readers in primary states to be sure to get out and rock the vote! Being an Obama Mama, of course I would prefer that you “Barack the Vote!” However, I just want you to get out and cast an informed vote for the candidate of your choice.

Now there’s a chance that I won’t be saying this same thing in November.

I was listening to News and Notes with Farai Chideya yesterday, specifically the Bloggers Roundtable. One of the bloggers, a black male, said that he would vote Republican if Hillary was the nominee.

Pause.

Relax, relate, release.

Farai asked him to expound on that. He said that Billary has revealed themselves to be racist, particularly with that comment about Martin Luther King and it taking a White person to get things done.

Okay. Let’s go with that.

Do people really think that the Republican party feels any differently? Do people really not think that the GOP believes that anyone other than John Q. WhiteMan can be the “Decider” for this country?

I was watching the last round of Republican debates because I believe in keeping my side eye on what they are up to on the other side of the aisle. I had to hit the Goose hard after watching that mess. It was that painful. They have absolutely no intention of ending this war until I have a complete head of gray hair to go along with the five strands I’ve already found.

McCain, the likely nominee, does not appear to be strong on the economy. Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t that the pressing issue for most people?

Readers, that blogger is not alone. This is a very scary thought for me that the hatred people feel for the Billary machine would outweigh the desperate need to rescue this country from the incompetent hands of another war-hungry cowboy. That blows my mind. I am going to need someone to explain this to me like I’m a three year old. Why? And please give me some other reasons besides you feeling duped by Billary. I accept that, but I need something more. I sincerely want to understand this because at this point, I just want people that feel that way to keep their tails in the house on Election Day. I realize that is a harsh thing to say but I’m that worried about the direction this country is headed. Scratch that. Don’t stay home. Take the Average Bro approach and write yourself in as the candidate if you have to. But voting Republican?

I’m not saying that the Democratic party cares so much about us that we should blindly give them our votes. However, to say that you are voting across party lines for a candidate that will likely continue to push this sinking ship to the bottom of the ocean just to vote against Billary is frankly…well, let’s just say I strongly disagree with that. If you’ve always been a Republican or an Independent, then I can’t argue with that. However, I see this as just another case of Obama-itis. Stans*, wake up!

For anyone that chooses to comment, I will respectfully respond. Let’s be clear though, I will likely disagree. However, we always keep it respectful here  in the comments. If you know anyone that plans to vote this way, please ask them to come here and respond. I really would like to be able to wrap my mind around this.

*update: 2/11 – Indeed, we don’t have the luxury of a protest vote. Preach!

As if this wasn’t enough, I have to read about this mess.

Tragedy of 10-year-old mom

The baby’s birth at University Hospital on Nov. 4 was routine.

chaffer.jpgWhat wasn’t routine was the fact the infant’s mother was just 10, impregnated by her mother’s boyfriend.

Now, social workers are trying to figure out how to unravel the mess involving one of the youngest children ever to give birth in Greater Cincinnati.

Michael Chaffer, 40, is accused of impregnating his girlfriend’s 10-year-old daughter, according to Hamilton County prosecutors. The baby has been taken from her mother and put in a foster home while the child-mother is now being taken care of by a relative. Her mother is not allowed to see the baby and can only see her daughter when supervised by social workers.

Lawyers jammed the courtroom Wednesday, representing the prosecutor’s office and all three generations of the family.The girl’s mother was warned not to let any adult men in her Lockland home while caseworkers tried to track down the infant’s father.

Paternity was not determined until Wednesday morning.Prosecutors say the girl’s mother ignored that order to keep adult men away from her child, and when a caseworker made a surprise visit to her Lockland home Jan. 4, they found Chaffer.

Read this story in it’s entirety here.

I think I’m going to let you all do the ranting on this one.  I’ve done my share. I don’t know how many more ways I can express my anger over these type of situations. I’ve had about all I can take of these poor excuses for human beings masquerading as mothers and putting a man before the needs of their own child. Now this little girl has experienced things that she should have been shielded from because of her “mother’s” selfishness. Now she has to deal with the pain of being kept away from her baby that I’m sure she loves.

You already know that I hope they put Chaffer in Oz…in gen pop. He should enjoy his stay there.

 *(again, not to be confused with supporters of which I am one).

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Affected

05 Tuesday Feb 2008

Posted by Vivrant Thang in Feeding The Music Jones

≈ 10 Comments

Tags

leaving a bad relationship, let it go, mental abuse, raheem devaughn song woman, relationship issues, vivian green, vivian green song affected

by vivrant thang on relationships

vivian.jpg

I’m not affected you’ve been rejected
Written off my heart
There is no debt here to be collected
I don’t want no part
How many times do I have to say it
You used to be smart
I’m not affected you’ve been rejected
And I don’t want no more

This post has been brewing for quite some time, but I had a couple of more pressing issues to get off my chest first.

Actually, I think it’s more timely now in light of a couple of things that have happened recently.

One is this whole conversation around Carlita Kilpatrick and her publicly standing by her man during that press conference last week. Some have asked why she would stand by him when he has humiliated her beyond belief by making such a mockery of their vows. Apparently he is continuing to do so with “Carmen Slowsky.”

Will she ever get to that point where enough is enough? In light of everything, why would she appear in front of the cameras and pledge to remain by her husband’s side?

In her vows, did she promise the “hip hop mayor” that she would be his ride-or-die chick til death? Does she just not care as long as she can continue being the First Lady of Detroit? Is she staying for the children? Is it low self esteem? Does she not feel she can do any better or that there’s nothing else out there for her?

That’s the excuse a friend of mine gave me when I asked her why she continued to torture herself by staying in constant communication with a man she became involved with a couple of years ago that told her a year into it that there will never a chance for anything serious and he just wants to be friends. It’s too complicated of a situation to get into. However, the gist of it is that even though he doesn’t want to be with her, he still wants to keep her around to talk to for whatever reason.

She has admitted to him that she still has the romantic feelings, to which he has no response. He has done things which let her know loud and clear that he considers her a friend only, well a friend by his definition. Yet, she continues to over-analyze everything he says or does, secretly hoping he’ll change his mind. I gave her an impassioned “Let It Go” speech, which was met with “Well if he didn’t call me, no one else would.” I had to step away because I just can’t understand that kind of thinking.

See, it’s always been different for me. During my college days, I had to master the art of not being affected after almost losing my mind trying to figure out how the guy I was seeing could have had this whole other relationship going that was so serious he married her soon after he graduated. In retrospect, with almost 10 years of living under my belt, it should have been a no-brainer.

However, back then, I almost drove myself insane trying to put all the pieces together. I just had to know all the details. I just happened to work at the bank where they both had accounts and so I was able to find out a whole lot of information. Clearly, I had already lost my mind. On top of that, I could have lost my job over that piece of man! When I regained my senses, I knew that in the future, if I wasn’t being treated the way I should I had to let it go.

I became real hardcore with it. My philosophy became : When it’s over, I’m gone.

If I’m missing him, he would never know it. There are no random phone calls with or without the benefit of *69 (because your number was likely deleted the second we “kissed and said goodbye”); no drive-bys to see if his car is there; no just happening to be at his spot hoping to run into him.

Erase me from your brain. Remove me from your memory bank.

Last year, I went through a period where all of these exes starting popping up trying to get back. I was annoyed at their gall, particularly since in every single case (honestly) their special brand of foolishness had caused the breakup. However, I started hearing what the First Lady was truly saying when she would affectionately call me, “Hard-Hearted Hannah.” I’ve had other friends say, “You’re hard on a brother! You don’t take nothing!”

Clearly, I’m not the most forgiving person. Period. Particularly when the crime is committed by a man. I’ve got Daddy issues that could probably be turned into a Lifetime miniseries. Consequently, while it’s not impossible to gain my trust, it’s damn near impossible to regain it once you lose it. At times it’s almost like I’m expecting a man to do something to lose my trust. As one ex told me, “You’re waiting for me to f*k up.” I probably was. Daddy issues. No excuse – and I am working them out. Besides, the day will come when I need some serious forgiveness and I like to put good karma out there. So I let my guard down, opened up my heart a bit, and gave a couple of them a second chance.

A lesson learned the hard way: A leopard doesn’t change it’s spots. It was the same ish, different month. I think perhaps they just tried to come back to see if it was possible, not because they were truly willing to do better.

In any event, I’m not saying Hard Hearted Hannah is back in the building. (Not that she ever totally left.) However, my first obligation is protecting numero uno. No one else is going to do it but me. I can’t hang in there by a man that is not treating me right for any reason. I deserve better than that…and I wish Carlita and my friend felt the same way about themselves.

Everyone does not deserve a place in your heart. Some people need to remain written off of it…for good.

“A grown woman knows how to let you go”
Raheem Devaughn, Woman

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