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audrey chapman show, can we talk, natalie moore, relationships, tevin campbell, tevin campbell album i'm ready, tevin campbell song can we talk, texting
by vivrant thang on living the single life
Can we talk for a minute,
Girl I want to know your name
I started,
To write you letters,
But I wanted,
To be more clever,
I wanted to get down and sweet talk to you
Seems I’m getting a lot of my inspiration from the Steve Harvey Morning Show lately. They did a bit about how men these days don’t know how to talk to women. They don’t have any game, no real conversation. So texting is right up their alley. With texting, they don’t have to really express full thoughts. Or they can say things they don’t have the balls (my word, not theirs) to say face-to-face.
This was humourous to me because it’s something I’ve complained to my girlfriends about before. I’ve had dudes try to get to know me via text – asking me to relay my whole life story. I’ve also had instances where guys tried to have relationship-altering discussions via text. Not! I always shut that down immediately. I’m just not going to get into anything heavy via text. I know it may be a generational thing. Maybe that’s just the way it’s done these days. Call me old-school. You got to call and talk to me about anything serious.
For instance, I had been seeing this guy off and on for over a year. It ended because of something he did and I kept it moving and didn’t look back. One day out the blue, he texts me and says I’ve been on his mind and he just wanted to get that off his chest. That’s getting it off your chest? I couldn’t have been more underwhelmed.
Then there was another dude I was seeing for a while that I had to fire because he was being very inconsistent (the number one way to get shown the door when dealing with me). Again, I kept it moving and didn’t look back. One day out the blue, he texts me to say he got a new cell phone and could he give me a call that evening? How about “no”? Dude, just be a man about it! Pick up the phone and plead your case! Am I asking for too much here? How can I really take you seriously?
I’m just not for serious discussions taking place via text message. You can’t detect tone. You can’t see facial expressions. Actually, I prefer to do these things face to face so I can look into a man’s eyes and observe body language. Author and Washington Post columnist Natalie Moore agrees. Texting is for random asides; quick questions ; naughty thoughts (and even those I prefer to hear). To me, any man that is serious about you is not going to try to carry on the relationship that way. He wants to hear your voice. Nothing made me smile more during the day when the ex would call me randomly to see how my day was going. That’s how you do it.
Can you hear me now?
Good.
Ladies, I’d love to hear your thoughts on this. Does it make any difference to you whether a dude texts or calls you? Is this just a sign of the times?
Fellas, please chime in too. Am I expecting too much?
Update: Nope, don’t think I’m making too much of it. Therapist and radio talk show host, Audrey Chapman devoted a whole show to the topic, “Is ‘Texting’ Impacting Your Love Life?” featuring Natalie Moore.
Update 1/31: I bet Kwame Kilpatrick wishes he would have just talked to his former Chief of Staff. Caution, playas!
You know I have to end with the video. This joint from Little Tevin Campbell made my “Top 50” list. You know it was the jam!
SONGS IN THE KEY OF LIFE 
I found myself in a situation where I was dealing with a habitual texter. I originally thought he just couldn’t talk at work, so that was his way to still communicate with me. But when it turned into his primary way of contacting me in the off-hours, and the only way I could seem to get in touch with him, I got pretty irritated. I really hated it when I would call and maybe even leave a voicemail, only for him to text me back mid-voicemail message. Ummm?? Just call me when you’re free.
After that experience, I know that I’m not with the whole “texting-to-know-you” relationship thing. I don’t even really like talking on the phone. I’d MUCH rather handle business in person. And if it takes too much work or too much effort to see a guy in person, then I’m over it before it begins.
I knew you’d be feeling me on this one, B. That’s a good name for them…habitual texters. And I like that. No texting-to-know you!
And yes, that is my second pet peeve behind inconsistency or actually it goes hand in hand. It should not be that hard! I tell a guy from jump, if you’re a superbusy person, do you! I’m all for the grind. But you just can’t do me! It will never work.
You know that I’ve gotten caught in the text trap with at least two dudes in the past year and at first I thought that it was cute but the novelty quickly wore off. This falls right in line with habitual IMer’s and email abusers. You’d think that these additional avenues of communication would be a good thing, but they take so much away from real, substantive communication. Whenever I meet someone in person who can carry a conversation I’m 1) shocked and 2) drawn to them because so many people can’t hold a one-on-one convo in person or on the phone anymore. This is a definite downside to technology.
Naw, girl. That mess is not cute. I’m glad the novelty wore off. It’s one thing to text me cute messages in addition to calling, but when that’s the only communication, that’s a problem. It’s a shame that you are shocked when someone comes with some convo. A damn shame.
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My girl and I joked about men texting to beat around the bush. Like you said instead of texting me about calling me why don’t you just call. Be man enough to leave a voicemail and if I don’t call you back in 2 days, you have been brushed off. Take the hint. Texting is turning men and women into cowards!Geez remember back in the day when you had to leave a message on an answering machine, you had to be brave to leave a message. You didn’t know who would be listening to your love jones plea all loud and in stereo! LOL.
You’re right. It is turning people into cowards and further causing the deterioration of communications between men and women.
LOL! Yes indeed, I remember the days of the answering machine when leaving a message was a big deal. That’s why I smile at that commercial where that guy is calling that woman trying to leave a message and keeps saying crazy stuff. At least he is trying and didn’t text her.
Teehee…that commercial cracks me up. He is really laying his pimp down on her voicemail. Now that’s a brave man…a tad desperate. But brave!
I too won’t date a man who relies on communicating through text. I know some men have difficulting communicating their feelings, but this is not the way to do it. My first question is, does he not have social skills, or is he just that shy? I think courting is a foreign word to some and because of long work hours we’re all forced to use creative alternatives to dating. But, this isn’t one of them. If you have a phone whether land line or cellphone it’s primary use is for talking, righ? And, as a 39 yr old woman, from NC, I respect and value my old fashioned values and won’t compromise them for anyone. No matter how far we advance in technology it can never substitute or enhance natural courtship between a man or a woman. If you want to leave a message of,” I love you, and/or I miss you”, that’s fine with me. Then later, we’ll continue talking in person.
Very well stated. I completely agree. Thanks for commenting.