I know just how you feel
But this time love’s for real
In time it will reveal
That special love that’s
deep inside of us
Will all reveal in time
Aside: Someone told me today that I seem to be losing my “blog juice” so I figured I better get in here and give ya’ll a real post instead of a bunch of videos! I know posting has been light but between an increasingly active social calendar and my work schedule, I will probably struggle to eke out 2-3 posts a week. I blog late in the evenings and I tell you after the day I had all I wanted when I made it home was a stiff one and some mindless television. Even now, I’m struggling to write this (and it will probably show) But I do what I have to do.
And it’s only going to get worse. When you work for an organization where President Obama (yup, I said it!) will be making a special visit this week to meet with the upper brass, you can imagine the work I have ahead of me this political season. I hope ya’ll can hang in there with a sista.
Now on to the subject at hand.
When I turned 30 and then two weeks later ended my last relationship, I vowed that was the last boyfriend I would ever have.
Things moved so fast and feelings grew so quickly that I didn’t have take a lot of time to really think about what I was getting myself into….who I was getting myself into a commitment with. All I knew was what I felt in those moments. I intended to take the time to let it grow and for things to be revealed before I called myself his and only his. But it just happened. I woke up one day and he was calling me his girlfriend. Really, that’s how it went. And I went along with it. I just felt so much. I couldn’t verbalize what my mind was screaming. NEED. MORE. TIME!
After that fiasco mercifully came to an end, I promised myself a couple of things.
In my experience, not many people can keep up an act for longer than a few months. Somewhere before or by that time, that person will begin to show you who they really are – if you’re paying attention. The representative will slowly begin to fade into the background and you’ll begin the discover the crust of this person. All along, while shit is new, you’ve been enjoying the white part of the bread. And as we know, that’s not where the realness is at. Now this is not to say that the person is intentionally misrepresenting themselves. We’re all on our best behavior in the beginning.
It’s so easy – and may even seem natural – to get caught up in the rapture and hurriedly change your Myspace status to “In A Relationship.” Ya’ll know what I’m talmbout! But who are you really in a relationship with? Do you really know yet?
For me, I’ve decided that the next time someone worthy of my attention comes along, I’m going to take my time and get to know him before he becomes the only one I’m giving the “red light special” to. What’s the rush? I need to let time reveal who I am really dealing with. Hell, I didn’t commit to buying my home quickly. I didn’t make any other major decisions in my life with the snap of a finger. I need to put the same thought into choosing a life partner as well.
Yes, I said a life partner.
The other decision I made is that at this point in my life, I don’t see any reason to enter a long term relationship where we’re committed year in and year out with no goal in mind. That goal being wedded bliss of course. Makes no sense to me. Nothing wrong with dating but I don’t see the need to commit again unless we’re both on the same page as to where we want to end up. If we’re not in the same place, we can enjoy each other’s company, but I always make it clear that at any given moment, another man could be beating my time.
I know I may sound flippant as if this will be an easy thing. It won’t be. I’m still a woman and we’re some emotional creatures. However, one thing my experience has taught me is that for my sanity (and so I don’t catch a case), I have to start listening to my highly developed intuition. I always know, but the trouble comes in when I don’t listen and act.
Since I’ve come to these conclusions, dating has become easier. Won’t go as far as to say it’s a piece of cake because your girl has been kissing some frogs…some very entertaining….but frogs alI the same. However, I feel much less anxiety than I used to.
I think I’m settling in to the dirty thirties quite well, yes?